"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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