i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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