Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
