I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
