the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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