I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
