Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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