My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
