You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
