her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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