He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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