I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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