I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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