Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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