So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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