normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
