i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
