areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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