when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
