every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
