I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
BRING THE BAGELS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
