I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
