Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He better not be in your backpack
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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