well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
