You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
