just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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