I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
