Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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