My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
