I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
