A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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