Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
