A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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