Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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