Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
