Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
