i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
