My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
