did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
