Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
