Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
