i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
