Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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