if i can run in heels then i can drive
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think people are normalizing furries
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
