One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
