sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
