i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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