I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
