I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
