I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
