a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
