I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
