he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
